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Expensive Annie: I really like studying your recommendation, and boy, do I ever want some now! About 20 years in the past, my mother-in-law turned hooked on medication, each prescription and unlawful, as a approach to cope with unresolved childhood trauma. Consequently, her marriage to my father-in-law fell aside, and, whereas not legally divorced, they have not spoken to one another in over a decade.
Throughout this time, she has bounced round from one residence to a different. It is usually the properties of different relations or mutual associates who all have reported the identical factor as soon as they kick her out: She steals and is at all times drunk or excessive.
Her personal mom begged us to take her in after we have been newlyweds 17 years in the past as a result of she was stealing all of her prescription medicine. Though we have mentioned this along with her a number of occasions, she blames all of her issues on her husband or her childhood and takes no duty for her scenario.
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She has visited us just a few occasions a 12 months throughout our marriage, and we have been very clear with drawing boundaries about her habits when she is round our youngsters. They love her, and till just lately, we have at all times had very good, temporary visits (besides when she stole painkillers from me after I gave delivery).
Her final go to, nonetheless, was the go to from hell. We ended up looking her room for medication, and he or she ruined my daughter’s baptism — and utterly humiliated me in entrance of my associates from church — along with her drunken, drug-induced antics.
She has as soon as once more been requested to depart somebody’s home and is now staying “for a month or so” along with her sister, who we care deeply about and isn’t in good well being. I concern the stress of getting my mother-in-law dwelling along with her will additional trigger her sister’s well being to say no.
We wish to assist her sister by discovering my mother-in-law someplace else to stay, however my husband and I are adamant that her dwelling with us can be detrimental to our children’ bodily, psychological and emotional well-being, to not point out worrying on our marriage. My husband’s solely sibling, who has no kids, lives outdoors the nation, and his spouse refuses to let her stay with them. I perceive her refusal and don’t blame her for it.
So the query is, what do you do with an aged drug addict who has completely no cash (she blows each dime on medication) of her personal? Residing with us can be detrimental, however I can not stay along with her being homeless on my conscience both.
Thanks for any recommendation you can provide. — Daughter-In-law on Drug Responsibility
Expensive Daughter-in-law on Drug Responsibility: Your mother-in-law could be very, very sick and desires assist. However neither you nor anybody in your loved ones is a skilled skilled who might help her. So relieve your self of the burden of being on responsibility, and search out assist recommendation from skilled remedy facilities. The place she must stay just isn’t on the streets however in a rehabilitation middle till she cleans up and will get assist. I’d additionally encourage you and your husband to attend Al-Anon conferences with the intention to higher perceive the character of her illness.
Ship your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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